If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
