okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
