I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
