In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
