It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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