this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
