im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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