Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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