I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
