Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
