We won't sleep together?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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