I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
