so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
