yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
