I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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