he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
