actually, I'm a sock model
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
