You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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