I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
