i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
