just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
