I feel like abortions should bother me more
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
