Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
