Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
