mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
