Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
