if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
