I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
