I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
