We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
