I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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