worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
