It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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