if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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