my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
