I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
