yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
