I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
