I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
