He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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