Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
