he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
