It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
