I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't deserve a penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
