note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
