Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
