Define "chronic" masturbator.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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