My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bring money and cleavage
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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