I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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