My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
